Yeah, so I got another prophetic fortune cookie: "You will be coming into a fortune." Isn't that crazy? Especially coupled with the fact that I heard "The Dance" by Garth Brooks this morning when I hadn't heard it in probably a year.  The plot thickens...

And, if you peeps haven't been to HornyManatee.com, you should; it's freakin' hilarious.

Last week we got Chinese food (mmmmm...sesame chicken), and both my mom and I got actual fortune cookies. Had real fortunes in them. The really scary part? They were both TRUE. Crazy, eh? Mine said: "There are riches headed your way," and hers said,"You are going to have a very comfortable old age." I think my fortune cookies might be bringing me messages from beyond the grave. And it's not the first time. I'm kinda creeped out.

I finally felt halfway decently for about, oh, three days when I either caught the stomach flu from somewhere (as my mom thinks) or ate some cursed applesauce (as I think), but in any case, I've been very sick for the last four days. The last six months have just been swell. I've basically missed the whole summer and then I heard on the news last night that September usually sees about 2 inches of snow. Freakin' great. My fortune cookie from Saturday was actually a fortune, and a really good one. Unfortunately, it's a FRIGGIN' LIAR! See for yourself:

"Luck is coming your way."

Really, when? A decade from now? I get a fortune like this and I was too sick to even buy a PowerBall ticket on Wednesday. That was probably my one shot at being a millionaire and living at Disney World and some applesauce ruined it all. Thanks a lot.

My fortune cookie from Saturday (while not a fortune!) was rather prophetic and kinda creepy:

"A faithful friend is a strong defense."

This is kinda weird since five friends have suddenly returned to my life in the last two months. I guess they aren't exactly "faithful" since the most recently I have talked to any of them was almost a year ago, but still, kinda odd. I don't really know what they're defending against, and I'm sure the cookie doesn't either. They're always vague like that.

So we had Chinese food again tonight, and I opened my fortune cookie to get this:

"The weekend ahead predicts enjoyment."

At first glance, it seems like a really great fortune (and actually a fortune!) and very relevant since it's Friday and all, but when you really take a good look, it doesn't make any sense. The weekend, being a concept and all, cannot predict anything. And even if it could, predicts enjoyment for when? Tomorrow? Next week? The afterlife? And enjoyment for what? or whom? Huh? I'm not especially feelin' this whole ambiguous fortune cookie thing. It leaves me kinda...uneasy.

So we got Chinese food last night, and my fortune cookie actually had a fortune! Here it is:

"You will meet an important person who will help advance you professionally."

I don't really know what to make of that since I don't have a job (and I don't really want one, but whatever). I suppose it's just a good thing it didn't say something like "you're going to die on Tuesday," or something since I'm having surgery tomorrow. And, I finally used up the last of the peanut butter and got to open a new one so now my knife isn't all covered in it from digging to the bottom of the jar. So, I guess things are looking up.

and had some good pork fried rice, and got my NON-fortune cookie. So, here it is:

"When you're not afraid to do it wrong the first time, you'll eventually get it right."

I don't even know what to say to that.

So, I got a fortune cookie that said "your family is a gift from heaven." First of all, not a fortune! I'm getting very annoyed at these so-called fortune cookies that have no fortune. At best, it's a saying, at worst--a lecture. Second, this cookie knows nothing of my family and therefore should not make such bold assertions. I mean, really, "a gift from heaven" is rather hyperbolic even if you have a great family, and how can a cookie presume to know what heaven doles out as gifts? Some things just make you wonder. Damn presumptuous, misguided fortune cookie. This is almost worst than the one that told me I would live happily with my wife.